Deborah and Eliot are hurting. Why? Nearly eight months old, they don’t know teeth from teething. Nonetheless, their healthy senses are enduring the gnawing discomfort of growing pains. They have four new teeth to show for it. It begins early. Born yesterday, with no clue what is still in store, Josiah has experienced startling bright lights, shocking temperature changes, hunger’s emptiness, and unpleasant diapers. As a father and now a grandfather in an expanding family, I have learned birthing, teething, and even hunger escort growth.
As adults we have learned to expect pain to accompany our growth through life. Some of the greatest pains involve loss. We want to believe our parents and brothers and sisters and children will be with us forever. When they are not, the loss can be devastating. Nonetheless, loss is always accompanied by opportunity - (at least the opportunity to control our attitude).
As a son, brother, husband, father, chaplain and child of God. I have professionally observed and personally endured loss, pain, and the miracle of accompanying growth.
On “holy ground” this week, I witnessed concurrent joy and loss as a hurting family shared at their mother’s deathbed. They sensed peace that she was “in glory” with God; they were pained to know she would never again answer her phone.
How did they grow? By saying goodbye, sharing stories, honoring each other, and processing their loss openly. Their lives harmonized. It could be seen in their eyes and felt with their words.
Last month, an adult daughter shared the rewarding experience of accompanying her daddy for his last days before he left her side to join his Maker. The process had enriched her faith in God. Weeks later she told me she is not the same mother, wife and daughter.
Wanting To Grow in Time of Loss?
If we do not know how to find growth in time of loss, we might learn from five-year-old Eden. Together with her daddy they searched the house for a lost treasure. Finally she exclaimed, “Daddy, we’re going to have to ask God or Mom where it is.” Resourceful, she is old enough to know her priorities. Ask God and ask significant people for help.
When loss happens, God’s Word may enhance growth: “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8, NIV)1.
#1. Trust God. God has not promised absence of trouble, he has promised His presence in trouble. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1, NIV)2.
#2. Liberate growth by identifying what you honestly feel (anger, fear, loneliness, frustration). Pour out your heart to God and significant people in your life. Express yourself with safe people. “Carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2 NIV)3; “Two are better than one… If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV)4.
#3. Adopt the attitude that God will use the unwelcome elements of life to benefit you. “And the God of all grace… after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10, NIV).5
Loss is inevitable, growth is achievable. You can grow in times of loss.
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