Growing In Times of Loss

Deborah and Eliot are hurting. Why? Nearly eight months old, they don’t know teeth from teething. Nonetheless, their healthy senses are enduring the gnawing discomfort of growing pains. They have four new teeth to show for it. It begins early. Born yesterday, with no clue what is still in store, Josiah has experienced startling bright lights, shocking temperature changes, hunger’s emptiness, and unpleasant diapers. As a father and now a grandfather in an expanding family, I have learned birthing, teething, and even hunger escort growth.

As adults we have learned to expect pain to accompany our growth through life. Some of the greatest pains involve loss. We want to believe our parents and brothers and sisters and children will be with us forever. When they are not, the loss can be devastating. Nonetheless, loss is always accompanied by opportunity - (at least the opportunity to control our attitude).

As a son, brother, husband, father, chaplain and child of God. I have professionally observed and personally endured loss, pain, and the miracle of accompanying growth.

On “holy ground” this week, I witnessed concurrent joy and loss as a hurting family shared at their mother’s deathbed. They sensed peace that she was “in glory” with God; they were pained to know she would never again answer her phone.

How did they grow? By saying goodbye, sharing stories, honoring each other, and processing their loss openly. Their lives harmonized. It could be seen in their eyes and felt with their words.

Last month, an adult daughter shared the rewarding experience of accompanying her daddy for his last days before he left her side to join his Maker. The process had enriched her faith in God. Weeks later she told me she is not the same mother, wife and daughter.

 

Wanting To Grow in Time of Loss?

If we do not know how to find growth in time of loss, we might learn from five-year-old Eden. Together with her daddy they searched the house for a lost treasure. Finally she exclaimed, “Daddy, we’re going to have to ask God or Mom where it is.” Resourceful, she is old enough to know her priorities. Ask God and ask significant people for help.

When loss happens, God’s Word may enhance growth: “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8, NIV)¹.

 

#1. Trust God. God has not promised absence of trouble, he has promised His presence in trouble. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1, NIV)².

 

#2. Liberate growth by identifying what you honestly feel (anger, fear, loneliness, frustration). Pour out your heart to God and significant people in your life. Express yourself with safe people. “Carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2 NIV)³; “Two are better than one… If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV)⁴.

 

#3. Adopt the attitude that God will use the unwelcome elements of life to benefit you. “And the God of all grace… after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10, NIV).⁵

 

Loss is inevitable, growth is achievable. You can grow in times of loss.

 

 

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[1]  http://bible.cc/psalms/62-8.htm

[2]  http://bible.cc/psalms/46-1.htm

 [3]  http://bible.cc/galatians/6-2.htm

[4]  http://bible.cc/ecclesiastes/4-9.htm

[5]  http://bible.cc/1_peter/5-10.htm

 

 

 

 

Limits by Design

Check Your Gauges! Asked, “What do you do when you run out of gas?” One answered, “You fill up.” Asked, “What do you do when you run out of oil?” another answered, “You add oil.” But the truth is, when you run out of oil in your car, if you don’t recognize your lack in time you will soon walk!

 

My family has had that unwelcome experience – twice. Unlike my father, I had trained wife and child to depend on “dad” for oil checks. #1. A census job added unfamiliar miles to an old car and, full of fuel, one day she rolled no further.  #2. Distant college altered father oversight… a student may feel the price of fuel ghastly, but the price of no oil was Caprice casualty—oil unchecked brought the end.

 

Some deficiencies have great consequences. Unless they are attended!

 

Limits by Design! When God created this Universe he created space and then filled it with heavenly bodies. He created earth, water and sky and soon filled them with life. He created Adam and then waited – I believe long enough for Adam to sense need. Then He brought Eve, made more marvelously than Adam (many believe :o). Why the delay? Perhaps to emphasize need. Adam likely appreciated Eve more because he had been without for awhile.

 

Paul writes: “My God shall supply all my need…” I believe one of my needs is to do without. And this loving Father supplies that need simply by placing me on an earth with limitations, in a body with limitations, among people with limitations. A little hunger has value. A little thirst can teach. A little deprivation can remind me of limits and make me wiser.

 

We are built to encounter thirst, hunger, desire for intimacy and more. Could all these illustrate and offer opportunity for awareness of deeper need? What might that be? Intimacy with our Maker who built us, loves us, offers forgiveness and provides access to His very presence forever without these limits…?

 

Next time you run low, near empty – note your heart gauge and ask your Maker for fullness. He is adequate… He says He is the Bread of Life and the Water of Life. Give us this day our daily bread? Hmm. 

 

Ask for Wisdom

September 10, 2010 

When in the middle of a challenging situation we usually aren’t looking for a wise saying as much as a wise solution. If at this moment you do not have a “big dog” chasing you, you may smile at these bits of wisdom.[1]  

 

Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick. 

Wisdom comes from good judgment and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you lend someone $20 and never see him again; it was probably worth it.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

 

James (1:5) serves us welcome notice that if we lack wisdom, and ask, God will grant it. Jesus clarified, “Ask (and keep on asking), seek (and keep on seeking), knock (and keep on knocking) and the door will be opened to you.[2]

 

At least a dozen people in the Bible are said to be wise.[3] Some are familiar leaders: Joseph, Moses, Joshua, David, Solomon and Stephen. I am fond of Bezalel, the wise artist who led in the fabrication of the Hebrew Tabernacle and Abigail, the wife who wisely managed her jerk-of-a-husband.[4] One required/exhibited task-related wisdom. The other needed/displayed wisdom in relationship. Perhaps it is wise to suggest: the better you understand/define your need the better you can ask and then identify when your request has been met.

 

What do you need?

Are you asking?

- Chaplain Robin

 

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[1] See http://www.appleseeds.org/wisdom-words.htm

[2] See http://bible.cc/james/1-5.htm and http://bible.cc/matthew/7-7.htm for parallel versions

[3] Find a table in The Life Application Bible, Tyndale House Publishers, 1991 located at Proverbs 2. http://www.lifeapplicationbible.com/what.htm

[4] http://bible.cc/exodus/31-1.htm, http://bible.cc/1_samuel/25-3.htm

Use of Self!

Weekly Strength

September 3, 2010

Some heard the succinct responses (four words in response to two questions) that student social worker Camille gave as she finished her internship at a Home Care and Hospice: What has been the best part of your education? “Here.” (Working here was the best part.) What is the greatest lesson you have learned so far? “Use of self.” 

 Reflecting on Camille’s response, I feel how gratifying full use of self in service can be and how one person can make a precious impression on another.

 British preacher G. Campbell Morgan (1863-1945) tells a story (edited) that emphasizes the value of presence in relationship.

 

A father and his young daughter enjoyed each other’s company. Then, he noticed a change. Repeatedly, when invited for their regular long walks she excused herself. Grieved, he could not understand. His birthday arrived and she presented him with carefully hand-crafted slippers, “I made them for you.” Clearly she had chosen time away to attend her three-month task of love.

 

Pleased with the slippers he realized his deepest joy was in his daughter herself, not in what she might do for him. He told her how much he had missed her and their long walks. She realized he delighted in her more than in her handiwork. Her awareness of his delight in her helped her realize how much she was missed during his long walks.

 

This father and Camille teach us to engage ourselves to enrich the life of those near us.

 

– Chaplain Robin